September 7th, 1991 my son Nathan was born. He was actually born on his due date. That morning was one of the strangest as no one believed that I was in labor. hahaha His father even left that morning thank God he came back because he forgot his wallet.
A week after I brought him home, I was holding him and this warmth feeling came over me and I honestly can not explain the feeling that came over me. I know it was the Lords presents.
As I sat and counted his toes and fingers for the hundredth time, I said a prayer to God. "Dear Jesus above, thank you for letting me have a son, I now give him back to you. I pray that I do a great job raising him for you, thank you for letting me get to borrow such a boy for a son"
I heard this thing in my head that he was born for something, and I knew that day he was going to be in the service. The military is where he was going. I disliked that thought, and that feeling that was so strong, and fought it with everything I had. I cried so hard that day.
That moment was the beginning of a very long Journey. He almost had to repeat first grade, I had to focus on him more then my other kids because it took him longer to learn and retain things. I won't bore you with all the details but I will tell you that their was many many nights I sat up crying, or went to my car crying, or just sat outside the back porch crying. Not just tears of crying but praying that God would show me the direction and next turns that I must take.
I felt alone for so long, I kept telling God and reminding him that he let me borrow him, that even tho he was mine, he really was his.I asked over and over again that he would guide me, even through my sin and wrong doings and mistakes I've made that either effected him directly, or that he saw me make.
God reminded me also time and time again each year at a teacher meeting that Nathan was very American, he always stood and did the pledge in correct manner, he would always tell others the right way,(he even won the ALL AMERICAN AWARD in 8th grade) He told them that he wanted to join the military over and over again. I heard, I fought back again. My husband (his step father) was also in the military and said that if its met to be then it will be. I fought him on it. Oh my I fought and fought. NO way God! Something better for him.
Then graduation happen, he had to go to college, yet he kept saying how he wanted to join the Air force. I finally gave in and bought him a gym member ship so he could get to his weight, I asked one of my daughters good friend to help tutor him in math. But then it seemed like he no longer wanted to go, he didn't loose the weight, and he didn't study like he should have. Part of me was happy and another sad.
Last May I found out he is not a very good college student. He just wasn't into it. Him and I fought about what he needed to do to grow up and be a man. Finally I told him this past May he needed to figure out what it is that he really wants to do and do it. He was no longer going to live here free and clear with out college or he was going to have to pay rent. That means two part time jobs or one full time job.
I came home one day and low and behold he said "Mom I was praying outside and asking God to help me choose my path and my phone rang. It was the Navy mom, and I'm going to see the recruiter tomorrow." I just said O.K. I thought well here we go again, instead of the air force like he wanted in 12th grade it is now the navy a year later.
Nate proved me wrong! He went to the gym, he bought two books and studied. He joined a work out boot camp to help him more in his weight. He studied more. He called his recruiter every week. I gave him a date at the end of September. and He took the test and passed with flying colors, then he went to his physical and passed with more flying colors.
As of today, he is just waiting for a job opening and contract with a ship date. As I write this I just want you to know I am not thrilled at the military, I am a selfish person that wants my son home in college and being something else.
I know, that is not what he is called to do. He is called to serve. I am not sure why, I honestly now don't care why. I am proud of him, and I know that his ultimate father has his plans worked out and God has showed me it happens in HIS timing and his ways are the only ways no matter how we try to change his plans. I know this kinda goes against the free will thing, but I believe that we are born with desires and if we listen to God those Godly desires are what we get. God wins in the end no matter what. If wee don't listen, he will give the job to someone else. But because I kept trying, and praying God kept showing me what is needed. I pray for his will, I am not to fight his will.
I pray that God holds him, and takes care of him. I pray that he grows up to the man he needs to be and comes home. My son wants to be an officer. I hope that dream comes true for him.
Thanks for reading my journey with my son. He is my only son. I think about how God felt all the time with his only son. Its a very different feeling then you have with daughters. If you have a son and only one son then you and I know that it's different. You also know that you can't explain it.
Until next time.
Peace and prayer to you!
No comments:
Post a Comment