I have lost a lot. The past two years have been very hard. I am tired of lost. But as we grow older lost is something that you cannot change.

I am working on gaining employment, however, if it wasn't for retirement I wouldn't even try. Yep you heard me I wouldn't.

I gain a degree, now I have to pay for that degree. I am great full do not get me wrong. I just rather wish I didn't have to and stay home and take care of the home.

I have to watch my husband who has a incurable Illness, so therefore, I need to work, just incase he cannot

I have lost lots of friends because of this.

I am sad

I don't know what to do

I worry but shouldn't not my job

I have three beautiful kids and two step. however one step could care less if I am alive or dead

My husband keeps wondering if I will leave him when I gain employment

Now he says he will never again bring that up. I know it is already in his mind. He doesn't have to say it, I see it in his face.

Maybe I should, maybe he'd be better without me. Maybe my whole family would be better without me. Then they don't have to speak to me, they don't have to worry about me, they don't have to regret opening up a facebook note from me. They don't have to worry about me asking questions, they don't have to worry about me trying to help them only to hurt them. AS MATTER of fact. EVEN my husband wouldn't have to worry any more about me or my problems, or my worries. Hell he wouldn't have to worry that I am leaving cuz I'd be gone. (NO I am not going anyware) Just wonder that  is all

AS I PRESS ON with FAITH and GOD this too shall pass

Until next time
Peace out!!